Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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