College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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