You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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