Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
