I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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