Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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