You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
