I must be too annoying 4 u.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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