I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
