yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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