He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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