I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
