Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
