I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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