I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
