You made me cry and you don't even care
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
