Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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