$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
