i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
