you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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