Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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