guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
