you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
