guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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