some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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