The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
