Your mouth is God's brothel.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
