btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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