those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
