Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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