ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
