i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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