We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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