we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
