Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
