No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
