Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
