so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
