apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
worst night to have a conscience
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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