Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
