I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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