ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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