I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
