Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He passed out mid-signature
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize