He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
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