It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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