Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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