Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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