Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
