and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
