shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
