I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
