i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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