Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
