I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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