Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
