dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
