I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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