one two three fourrrrnication!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
