Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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