the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
