Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
