Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
