My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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