I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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