whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
