i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My vagina just recognized that song.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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