i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
