oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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