considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
