I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
