the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
