I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
