You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
