I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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