You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
