Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
